i am slowly returning back into my old shell and i’m not liking it. this isn’t how my life is supposed to be, i am supposed to be happy. i want to be happy, but i can’t seem to get it right. how do they do it? i was almost there, i think, i felt happy more days than not and it didn’t bother me that i wasn’t out in the world where no one knew me, but instead i was in my old town, where everyone knows everything. i was fine, maybe not happy, but almost. almost happy.
somehow, i went from feeling lost and insecure to suddenly realizing that i knew all along. there was never any doubt, but i was too scared to admit it. with one simple question, he made me realize and i’ll never forget how my eyes started watering the very instant i read the words and i knew he was right. no one else saw it, but he knew. all of a sudden, everything was alright. i would be alright and i could make it work and i hate myself for all the thoughts and scenarios i built up in my head, it was all for nothing. and now i’m alone wherever i go. in a room filled with people, i still feel more lost than ever.