— me. uncensored

four

i am slowly returning back into my old shell and i’m not liking it. this isn’t how my life is supposed to be, i am supposed to be happy. i want to be happy, but i can’t seem to get it right. how do they do it? i was almost there, i think, i felt happy more days than not and it didn’t bother me that i wasn’t out in the world where no one knew me, but instead i was in my old town, where everyone knows everything. i was fine, maybe not happy, but almost. almost happy.

somehow, i went from feeling lost and insecure to suddenly realizing that i knew all along. there was never any doubt, but i was too scared to admit it. with one simple question, he made me realize and i’ll never forget how my eyes started watering the very instant i read the words and i knew he was right. no one else saw it, but he knew. all of a sudden, everything was alright. i would be alright and i could make it work and i hate myself for all the thoughts and scenarios i built up in my head, it was all for nothing. and now i’m alone wherever i go. in a room filled with people, i still feel more lost than ever.

One Response
  1. ragnhild_m94 says: 06/25/201212:12 am

    “i want to be happy, but i can’t seem to get it right. how do they do it?”
    They don’t. No one is truly happy. It’s just a matter on what you focus on. Some people are better at focusing on the bright side, while others find the dark moments of their life more intriguing. What you need to do is simply reflect on the good things that happened throughout your day when you go to bed at nigt. There are none, you say? False. There are always positive things for you to focus on. Find them. And then go to sleep before you can look at the bad ones. If you do this every night I promise it will get better, and you will be happier. Promise! It’s slowly doing it’s wonders for me. In other words, I have been in your shoes and I know how hard this is, but I promise it works! Hopefully that will be encouragement enough for you to actually do it..
    I love you! :)

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